When I was young there was a record (black vinyl things with music on both sides) called Free to Be You and Me. This record was put together by some well meaning social reconstructionists ( Marlo Thomas, Alan Alda and others) to help change the world by changing the minds of children. Today I was reminded of one of the stories on that record that in my youth assured me that everything would be alright, truth would out, and people would value me because of what was in my heart and mind. The story was "Ladies First".
In this story the self-obsessed prima donna repeats her mantra "Ladies First, Ladies First" to receive preferential treatment on the grounds that she is entitled to this treatment on the basis that she is a "Little Lady" and this get her eaten first by the tigers. Beautiful.
The message to me was clear. Phony roles and selfish behavior lead to being eaten by a tiger. As I was brought up for most of my life in a lesbian feminist household I really believed that people would judge me by my actions and my heart and that my appearance did not matter. I really believed that... can you imagine?
Forty years later I have gotten over the notion that femininity is a cop out sellout mind trip. I have struggled to accept my own feminine identity as something good. I enjoy being a woman, and enjoy attracting men with what ever feminine wiles I have managed to cultivate, but I still occasionally want the tiger to eat people.
Today in a literature class the question was raised: "Why do more women than men wear high heals?" I almost broke a tooth at some of the answers.
"Men can't wear high heals because their physical anatomy prevents it. (ex. their junk)" release the tiger.
"Women wear high heals to make themselves seem equal to men." that tiger, is he still hungry?
"Women wear high heals because their tiny slim feet look so cute in little tiny strappy shoes." We are going to need another tiger.
As I looked down at this last commenter's feet they were indeed freakishly small, about half the width of my own generous foot. If she had had her feet bound in Japanese foot binding style, she would have appeared to be walking on her ankles.Did she really believe all women have feet her size, or was she just struggling to put herself at the pinnacle of achievable femininity. Sitting next to her, I could not imagine that I did not disgust her with my big, wide feet. (I am however very hard to knock down.)
What scared me most was not so much the comments themselves, but the tunnel vision that these people viewed the world with. There are no drag queens, tall, or big footed women that were truly feminine. People still do not see beyond their need to assure themselves of their own sexual, gendered value. Sorry Marlow, Sorry Alan there are not enough tigers to go around. here is a link to the song story referred to in this post Free to be You and Me "Ladies First"
