A New Day

    For the first thirteen years I owned my horse I kept him at a barn that belonged to friends of mine. I have to say without their sponsorship in this sense I never would have been able to afford my own horse. Keeping a horse is an expensive prospect, and these friends allowed me to keep my horse with their horses and as long as I paid for my own feed (hay and grain) and kept the barn and fences in good repair and helped take care of their horses, they didn't charge me any money... not that their wasn't a cost.
    When I first got Fauxie he was a mess. I was working at the humane society and Fauxie had been seized in a neglect case. He was about as thin as a horse can get without being dead, but that was only the beginning of the abuse he had suffered. Fauxie had had some rough handling. He had anxiety. If you disciplined him he would panic, thinking that their was no end to the pain that had begun. He would run sideways down the road. He would wring his neck and tense so he felt like a rocketship about to take off. I work for years to form a relationship with Fauxie. We have come a long way.
    The hardest obstacle I had to over come with Fauxie has only recently been made clear to me. It was huge, and this obstacle kept Fauxie and I from enjoying each other as we really could. I was the negative attitudes of my friends.
     I was indebted to my friends for making it possible for me to have a horse, but when ever I went to ride I received such criticism that I began to doubt myself. Riding a panicy horse is dangerous. It is an act of faith. It is an act of faith in yourself. You must believe that you can stick in that saddle. You must believe that you can make a difference. You must believe that if you are quite and paitent and consistent you will make headway and it will not always be such a melodramatic horror show. Real injury and death awaits the faint of heart.
   By the time I moved my horse to my friend Cathy's this fall, I was riding for a half hour at a time and I never left the riding ring. I was undone by a negativity that made my death defying efforts impossible.
    Today I went for an hour and a half trail ride with my friend Cathy. She never judges. She asks me how she can help me and never questions my methods. I love my old friends, but they crippled my relationship with my horse (they are not internet savvy so there is little chance they would read this, thank God. I would never want to hurt them.) Negativity is so destructive. I wish I could purge it from my life. I guess my next lesson is to learn how to deal with people who insist on being horrible destructive negative people without letting it make me want to give up.